You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
