she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
