Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
