Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
