Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize