When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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