I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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