I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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