I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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