you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
