True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
