Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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