is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
