it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
