i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
