do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
