He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
