she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Farmville is her only friend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
