Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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