Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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