So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
