I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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