He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
