I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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