i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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