I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize