Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
