I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
