I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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