ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
