would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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