ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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