i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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