I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
