Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
