i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize