if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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