She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
