Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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