i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
