party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
