at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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