Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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