He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
