well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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