mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
