my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize