she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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