So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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