the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
