Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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