You're my little dorito
I am puke
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have aggressive nipples.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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