do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
