Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
