I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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