First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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