She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
