and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
