Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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