I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
