God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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